Riding the Wave.
From Ego to Vulnerable; Thoughts to make you a better rider
Does riding feel like home to you? Is it the one thing that you love more than yourself? If you have a bad day what do you want to do, get back to riding? What if you have a great day -what do you want to do, get back to riding?!
The transformative power of riding a horse is so addictive that the majority of riders will need to build their emotional home right on top of it.
Failure and success can catapult you far from this haven, each in a different direction but what puts you back to normal and whole is getting back on the horse.
Horse riders are like surfers. To the outside world, they appear overcome with some unexplainable divine magnetic force which pulls them towards the stables, or for the surfer, the ocean. I have never surfed. I have been on a surfboard but that really wasn’t the same thing. I can only imagine it offers the same time stopping, all-consuming, ultimate ‘in the moment presence’ that riding can do.
With surfing, you are at the mercy of the ocean. All you can control are your reactions. With riding, you like to think you have some element of control but the reality is that the horse can really do whatever the hell he likes, should he want to. We can become more efficient in our actions and reactions and we can build a more reliable relationship, but we are never really completely in control. How many of us really admit that I wonder?
I recently listened to a podcast with a big wave surfer, and she said that when you misread the wave, or Mother Nature changes her plan and you end up in a salt -water washing machine with the power of an entire city churning you around, you have to completely let go. Of everything. Surrender all emotions and relax into it. Wow. That goes against human nature somewhat. But it made me think. That’s what we have to do if we are going to successfully persuade the horse to listen to us and cope with our demands. You think you can fight your way out of trouble with 500kg of horse flesh? Or use force to get the desired response? What a valuable life lesson to learn. But that’s what riding does. It teaches us about ourselves every time we get on. There is a reason why horses are used in therapy, they respond to our energy and our emotional state of mind. They can’t be pushed or pulled around and they will give back to you in the same way that you give to them. Your actions and behaviour are your words. A verbal apology for a moment of weak character or inappropriate behavior doesn’t repair the damage. Your actions and reactions enable trust to be created, and destroyed. It is a mirroring process of your character and one that can be wholly authenticating if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to let it.
Is this the reason why riding becomes so all-consuming, because we actually have to be a bit truthful with ourselves and look inward?
On the surface of things, being vulnerable is not a trait we would instantly want to adopt. Modern society sees it as a weakness so we learn to disguise it with bravado and ego. On the back of a horse that only lasts until you wake up with a face full of dirt. It is the same with the surfer. If their ego rules their decisions in the ocean, they will end up as human tumbleweed.
It really is a therapy session every time we ride. Tough therapy, you have to be ready to face it every time you get on. You have to show up every day, in honesty and integrity and take responsibility for every part of your involvement.
So you have to let go. Let go of your ego and your designs on what you think you deserve. Let the horse teach you every time you get on. Be curious about what personality traits you can develop in that session. Awareness, Sensitivity, Intelligence, Empathy, Feel, Analysis, Decisiveness, Control, Strength, Instinct, Confidence, Vulnerability, Mindfulness. And the list goes on. And on.
I had a chat with a very accomplished rider and she said that she could determine what sort of rider a person would be just by talking to them. Your intrinsic personality will come through as your dominant riding style, but if you allow the horse to teach you, you have an amazing opportunity to develop the weaker sides of your character. Your dominant streak might not be a negative part of you, but you or your horse are not one dimensional and therefore you need to nurture and allow the more passive traits a chance to come through. You can’t ride a horse solely with strength, you need softness. You can’t ride a horse solely with control, you need flexibility. You can’t ride a horse solely with intelligence, you need feel and instinct.
I think maybe that’s what keeps us coming back for more. The moments of complete focus, immersion into something that is all consuming, the quietness of the white noise in our head whilst all we can think is about each step the horse is taking. Maybe its like being able to breath underwater. The rest of the world slips away and if we are attentive enough, we have the chance to build our character to the best one it can be.
It is not our right to ride and train these beautiful creatures. It is a gift that they allow us to have. Be grateful and be curious. Ditch the ego and look deeper at what you can learn with every ride. Most of all, be good to your horses.